Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in chaoticmarvin's LiveJournal:

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Monday, February 11th, 2008
11:29 am	so today not so good I am 100% in love with the best guy ever, so Plus Plus on that aspect but, I am 2 exams today, and a presentation and a fight with a friend here at school, a sort of continuation of a longer messier fight and I really want to hear back from friends at home, so im awaing some emails my prof whom i need to present to, forgot about our meeting before class so i wasted 40 min waiting for her, it was supposed to be a 1hr meeting st the most also I feel all hurt and so essentially today is le suck and its not even noon.... oh yeah and complicated family issues continue to make me want to ... i dont know...vomit maybe...whenever I am not thinking about class, or people here at RIT who upset me... so yeah... SUCK also, can't concentrate (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 18th, 2008
11:15 am	birthday so I am 21 today so yeah beat that! *laughs* plans = fancy drink and giant dinner (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 19th, 2007
10:41 am	to day is jenn't birthday MY LITTLE SISTER IS 18 TODAY!!! so that is werid so now it is 18, 19 and 20 all us smith kids i miss jen and pete alot *e-hugs* (1 Comment |Comment on this)
10:37 am	so i had a bad day its over now nothing a little korn and disturbed can't fix also, i have very disturbing day dreams does that ever happen to anyone? maybe its the lack of good sleep last night, but the day dreams recently very vivid *shrugs* (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 8th, 2007
12:56 am	i hate my life i hate this my chest hurts I wish i was alone he broke my heart cause i deserve it i fail at this I am stupid and i am not magic he is magic, and i am not he broke my heart cause i deserve it PS if you reply/ comment on this Ill beat you up so dont i dont care who you are dont do it (Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2007
10:31 am	guilty felt like vomit for so many reasons feel like the living dead want to sleep so bad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
10:56 am	week 9 so its week nine just so I say it, oct 12the 2006 was 2yrs for me and alvin he came to see me all the way from MD also Alysa came, which was 1000% cool too this term has sucked, I almost died, or thought i was going to die then i felt sucky then it was up and down like mad pretty sure i am going crazy got wicked up set a few days ago for now good reason note: i still hate organic chem but i am pretty sure my prof isnt pure evil and that helps so much! my eye balls are trying to escape my skull also i am full for coffee they gave away to celebrate Halloween I am wonder woman, or half way anyway. i will be wonder woman in all her glory again on sat. i feel like the living dead because i cant sleep i worry that i may be getting on alvin's nerves saying i miss him like every 10 seconds i am starting to get on my own nerves. I will present my 100% wicked esoteric research soon to the Rochester academy of science. i am pretty sure a guy i know, has started to become a woman. but the guy/ woman? and i are always busy and so i dont get a chance to ask he / she? keeps running into me, and says "dont worry i'll explain later" and im confused cause i dont know what to yell when i see her? him? down the hall. i am doing pretty well in organic chem and so I am happy. my car is dead dead still and i am so upset!!! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 5th, 2007
10:18 am	so here is a recap I was in the ER over last weekend and it wasnt fun I am still pretty sick and it sucks but I am feeling better, in an emotional mannor that is I feel exctied about everything here. 2 days from my brother's 19th birthday which is crazy and 7 days from 2 yrs with my Love and I recived a really lovely poster from him, he made it for me himself it is so wonderful, I love it, it is perfect and the fact he made it for me, he spent all the time to make it so perfect. it makes me happy. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 1st, 2007
4:51 pm	(Comment on this)
Monday, September 17th, 2007
3:34 pm	so my eyeballs are trying to escape from my skull and suddenly all my friends are full of drama, which i don't like and I am not mad at a guy for crushing on me a little, cause he can't help it i guess but I am really mad he told one of my best friends, knowing she would tell me, and make everything all stupid, and stuff, so i kinda want to kick him really hard and make him stop being an emo SOB and im a little mad at other people who are trying to get away from everyone and not making it clear if they want me around anymore. they can not be at my place, or see my friends, our old friends anymore. but since I am the only one to figure it out, i should get a prize, and get to know where I stand here. it would be helpful and I miss my Love more than ever now, really really miss him ARG also ORGANIC CHEM STILL IS PURE EVIL!! (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 5th, 2007
11:06 am	love poems and leather jackets so i am pensive i am trying my best to think on the love poems and leather jackets to think of an embrace ..... poem: anti-sucide notes are all drafted and ready written in a quick hand and wanting to curl up love is systemic, metastatic refuse to cut it out and it spreads there must be a God how else are we born with this hunger this need to unify to fill the holes used to say I was complete this was a sick lie -jkns (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
1:11 pm	mystic poems mystic poems to make the inner life the outer to clarify like solemnity embodied like a sweet cool breeze like calm clear water in a dry place these small peaks into the inner life they make the yellow-gold of flowers brighter the eyes, the soul glass, is polished and one can see brilliance more finely one listens closer and better at the passing words of a friend the sight of deer eating slowly brings light to the heart the color of the animals coats is realized as warm and inviting focus, it all brings focus and with it a concordance with the broadness of vision that is so easy to lose each mystic poem each contemplation on beauty it washes the whole world and makes it new a again as though it were the first day anyone noticed real Love the true inner life, the true inner spark -jkns (Comment on this)
Monday, August 6th, 2007
10:33 am	this is a random entry and so i would like to note i am very happy, things could always be better, like, there could be  less than a 7hr car ride between me and the man I am in love with also, i am very stressed, so yes now my face is covered in spots and i cant sleep, damn research presentations also, i woke up last night with the biggest head ache known to man, this was at 4am, it sucked. *sighs* (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
11:45 am	weekend The most perfect weekend so far a short list Baltimore, MD  National Aquarium       Puffins! Sharks! and so much more       rays, also, wonderful, and the whale bones, very interesting.       also, massive and convincing fake trees that are amazing        Australia exhibit very nice  random wanderings downtown        really good paella        also, i cannot resist buying books, so one more to bring back home  Arundel mills mall  Movico, an Egyptian themed theater        large statue of Anubis, very cool, but also odd Alexandria, VA   random wanderings downtown     really good sushi Annapolis, MD  the temporary home of my Love       more than I can here cute beach by sycamore dr.        wonderful and hot Washington DC      (it did rain, but better than being deathly hot)    Smithsonian museum of Natural History           SO exciting, really, esp. dinosaurs and the geology exhibit     Washington monument             breath taking     Korean war memorial             Eire, and beautiful, and sobering      WWII memorial                grand, and strong, and thought provoking       reflection pool                 wonderful, really wonderful      Lincoln Memorial                      touching in a way I didn’t expect, and massive and very fine   MOST if all, seeing my Love at the airport, my first kiss in months  and the embrace, it was flawless I miss him now (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 24th, 2007
10:10 am	dreams sleepy warm thoughts cuddeling up to sweet dreams perfect poems that will not pass thur my lips, they lay half blooming like short kisses nights spent in contemplation restfull nights  nights spent dreaming of the weight of a fine embrace  (Comment on this)
Monday, July 16th, 2007
1:00 pm	Sarah Maciejewski on friday the 13th of July Sarah Maciejewski passed away I went to jr.high at NDA with her she was always nice, honestly, I wouldnt say that about everyone, but sarah was, always nice she wasn't even 21 yet I am here in Rochester, and I wont get to say good bye properly I cannot understand it it cannot be real, how can it really be? she feel down some stairs, and hit her head in just away that made this happen how can that be?? Stairs? it is not fair there is so much left undone how can it be real? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
10:30 am	for a change: a non cryptic post awww I *heart* Cryptic  anyway, on to the post so BANDS on my gel !!! I danced in the lab I am not a failure, again! happy crazy dance also, i have discoved an internet radio station that is all korn all the time;) um so also, side note, dont you hate it when you know you planned to do something on a day you even highlighted it on your calender, and then you have no idea what it was! and remember after you make other plans and then know you cant do both! arg, i hate that alot and i also enjoy shimmer-y lotion i imagine i look like an egyptian deity all covered in little gold shimmer big strech i know, but... its a good time Current Music: One by KORN (Comment on this)
Monday, July 9th, 2007
9:05 am	my weekend so first and most  got a friend back on US soil to see me it was magical we still think the same thoughts and use the same words and we are still dorks and there were cupcakes and then i got all happy messed up  and yelled into people's phones.... it was the thing to do second I hate this game, I quit i want 9 little dogs and a book store and 6 phD degrees third... i guess i dont quit I LOVE KORN LOVE KORN LOVE KORN and I would like to take a moment to say FUCKING DAMN IT last and not least Prove it Current Music: Adema - promises (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
11:11 am	poem half remembered so this morning in a hazy bubble, i recalled a poem I had dreamed it was very lovely, and it was about someone and I thought, all warm and snuggly in bed, i should try to hold on to it but like all things dreamed, it slipps away as the words are formed outloud and so I am left with a memory of a poem I dreamed and how it was lovely and I was pleased and sleepy and warm  as a side note:  i am glad some one thought of Tea, because it were not invented I am not sure i would ever want to break out of my dreamy half sleep and go anywhere. good sleep and fine dreams are few and far between. and if it werent for tea i would declare everytime it happened a holiday for me, and just stay in bed. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
8:59 am	song lyrics, a 100% not emo at all post "Love Song" by KORN Mother! You're holding my heart, screaming Motherfucker! They left me broken, bleeding Son of! The man you loved and left for The son of a bitch! Who tried to show me death's door Everything's eliminated Everything is dedicated My belief destroyed my hated? Never get what's over-rated Love song for the dear departed Head stone for the broken hearted Arms to kill Or flowers to steal Head trip for the mortal earthbound One sip of the blood that I found Lying here Im dying here As in! Obituaries rain down Its ok! We're lying naked face down Wasn't it decapitated? Can you see me fascinated? Your the only thing I've damaged What you get to be mis-managed Love song for the dear departed Head stone for the broken hearted Arms to kill Or flowers to steal Head trip for the mortal earthbound One sip of the blood that I found Lying here Im dying here Dying here.. Don't bring me daffodils Bring a Boquet of Pills See some geranium Cracked to the crainum Protect me when you can Respect me when I am Dying Love song for the dear departed Head stone for the broken hearted Arms to kill Or flowers to steal Head trip for the mortal earthbound One sip of the blood that I found Lying here Im dying here Love song for the dear departed Head stone for the broken hearted Arms to kill Or flowers to steal Head trip for the mortal earthbound One sip of the blood that I found Lying here Im dying here Current Mood: badass-ish Current Music: guess... (Comment on this)